a letter to my newly divorced self

I see you, pen in hand, signing your name a single time to end an 11 year marriage.

I see you, struggling to hold it together. Let’s be honest, it’s a losing battle right now.

I see him, staring at you with empty eyes, seemingly unable to understand why you are crying.

Later tonight you will buy a six pack of Leinie’s Honey Weiss and drink all six while sitting in your kitchen with your mom. You will alternate between elation and tears. She will handle your kids and do her best to support the disaster in front of her that is her oldest child.

The divorce is final.

But guess what? Life is just beginning for you.

You didn’t have much time to adjust to the divorce—you will struggle mightily with understanding how your husband could lie, deceive and cheat on you while at the same time telling you he loved you. A betrayal like that can’t be overcome in a day. Be gentle with yourself. Healing will come.

You don’t know it yet but the next three years of your life will shock and amaze you.

You will get that steel in your spine that your dad wished for you.

You will set boundaries to protect your heart and your responsibility.

Your kids will thrive. You wouldn’t believe me now but eventually you will not need to spend as much time holding them as they cry.

You and your kids will be a strong team. You will finally be able to parent the way you had always hoped.

Your home will finally be filled with love, joy and laughter. You will throw open the front door and invite people in.

You will meet new friends and build friendships sweeter and deeper than you could’ve hoped for.

You will go on many bad dates but a few will be magical. Just sit back and enjoy those.

You will be able to pursue passion and work, combined. That tiny fire burning inside you right now will become something much bigger. All of the difficulty you’ve experienced will translate into real, authentic, genuine coaching for your clients. You’ll find that working for yourself is the best thing you could’ve imagined for yourself!

You will learn what obedience to Jesus truly means. It will be a painful stretching at times but you will persevere and your obedience will bear fruit.

So my dear, take heart and prepare yourself. Three short years will carry you to a place you never knew existed. Enjoy the journey.

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